Is Fear Making Your Decisions?
How to Move Forward When You Don’t Know What Comes Next
Last month, I talked about rediscovering yourself—looking beyond the roles you play, reconnecting with who you are, and beginning to think about what you actually want your life to look like.
So now that you have a better idea of what you want, what’s stopping you from moving toward it?
For many of us, the answer is fear: fear of making the wrong decision, Fear of failing, fear of disappointing someone, or fear of giving up something familiar, even when we know it no longer fits. And perhaps one of the biggest fears of all: fear of not knowing what comes next.
We tell ourselves we’re waiting until we feel more certain. Until we have more information. Until the timing is better. Until we feel confident. But sometimes what looks like careful planning is actually fear making the decision for us.
Fear Doesn’t Always Look Like Fear
Fear isn’t always dramatic. It doesn’t necessarily show up as panic or tell us, “Don’t do this.”
Sometimes it sounds much more reasonable:
Maybe I should wait a little longer.
What if I regret it?
I need to think about it some more.
Now probably isn’t the right time.
What will other people think?
I should be grateful for what I have.
There is nothing wrong with thinking carefully about an important decision. The problem comes when thinking becomes a substitute for moving. We can spend months—or even years—analyzing all the possible outcomes because we want a guarantee that everything will work out. Unfortunately, life rarely gives us one.
Whether you are considering a career change, leaving or rebuilding a relationship, moving somewhere new, starting a business, returning to school, creating a life after your children leave home, or simply deciding that you want something different, there comes a point when you have to move forward without knowing exactly how the story ends.
Are You Choosing What You Want—or What Feels Safest?
One of the most useful questions you can ask yourself when facing a decision is: If I weren’t afraid, what would I choose?
That doesn’t mean you should ignore practical considerations or make impulsive decisions. It simply helps you separate what you genuinely want from what fear is encouraging you to avoid. There is an important difference between something being wrong for you and something simply being uncomfortable because it is new.
Our brains like predictability. Familiar situations can feel safer simply because we know what to expect—even when those situations are no longer making us happy. That is why women sometimes stay in careers they have outgrown, relationships that no longer work, routines that leave them depleted, or versions of themselves that no longer fit.
The familiar can feel safer than the unknown. But safe and fulfilling are not always the same thing.
You Don’t Need to Know the Entire Path
One of the reasons change can feel so overwhelming is that we think we need to figure out everything before we begin.
We want to know:
What happens if I make this change?
Will I be successful?
Will I be happier?
Will I regret it?
How will other people react?
Where will I be a year from now?
Those are understandable questions. But most of them cannot be answered from where you are standing today. Sometimes clarity comes because you take action—not before the action.
Think about driving at night. Your headlights may only illuminate a relatively short distance in front of you, but you don’t need to see the entire road to reach your destination. You simply need enough light to take the next part of the journey.
Life often works the same way. You may not know exactly where a new career will lead. You may not know what life after divorce will eventually look like. You may not know who you will become once your children no longer need you in the same way. You may not know whether the dream you’ve been thinking about will unfold exactly as you hope.
You don’t have to. You only need to decide what the next right step looks like.
Make the Decision Smaller
When fear takes over, we often turn one decision into twenty. Instead of asking, “Should I change
careers?” you suddenly find yourself wondering where you would work, whether you would need more education, how much money you would make, whether anyone would hire you, what your family would think, and whether you would still be happy five years from now. No wonder you feel overwhelmed.
Bring yourself back to the next decision. Perhaps the next step is updating your résumé, having a conversation, researching a class, scheduling an appointment, setting a boundary, visiting a new city, talking with someone who has already made a similar transition, or writing down what you really want.
Small steps are still movement. And movement creates information. Each step teaches you something you could not have learned by standing still.
Notice Whose Voice You’re Listening To
Fear can also come from the expectations we have absorbed from other people.
What will my family think? Am I being selfish? Shouldn’t I be happy with what I have? Isn’t it too late to start over? At this stage in my life, shouldn’t I just stay where I am?
This is where See Yourself Clearly, the first part of my SELF Path™ framework, becomes so important. Before you can make a decision that is right for you, you have to recognize which beliefs, expectations, and “shoulds” genuinely belong to you—and which ones you have been carrying because someone else handed them to you.
Your life does not have to make sense to everyone else. It only needs to make sense to you.
Courage Usually Comes After the First Step
We often think courageous people act because they aren’t afraid. More often, they act while they are afraid.
Confidence doesn’t always come before action. Sometimes confidence develops because you take a step, discover that you can handle it, and then take another.
You start proving something important to yourself: I can trust myself to figure things out.
That may be one of the most valuable things any life transition can teach you.
You don’t need to know exactly what will happen.
You need to know that whatever happens, you are capable of responding to it.
Ask Yourself These Questions
If you have been feeling stuck, spend a little time reflecting on these questions:
- What do I know I want that I keep talking myself out of?
- What am I afraid might happen if I move forward?
- What might happen if I don’t?
- Am I making this decision based on what I want or what feels safest?
- Whose expectations am I considering?
- What would I choose if I knew no one would judge me?
- What is one small step I could take this week without committing to the entire journey?
That last question matters.
You don’t have to change your entire life today. You simply have to stop allowing fear to make every decision.
What If You Trusted Yourself?
There will always be uncertainty. There will always be reasons to wait. And there will probably never be a perfect moment when fear disappears, and you suddenly feel completely ready. But perhaps being ready isn’t about knowing exactly what comes next.
Perhaps it is about knowing yourself well enough to recognize what you want—and trusting yourself enough to take the next step toward it.
Rediscovering yourself is the beginning. Choosing to build a life that reflects the person you rediscovered is what comes next.
So if you already know something needs to change, ask yourself: Am I waiting because the time truly isn’t right—or am I waiting because I’m afraid?
And if fear is the answer, you don’t have to conquer it all at once. Just don’t let it choose your life for you.
Take one step.Then see what becomes possible.
It’s natural to look around and compare yourself to others, especially in a world where social media constantly shows curated snapshots of seemingly perfect lives.
