Breaking Bad Habits…A Prerequisite For Setting New Year’s Goals

As the new year approaches, many of us feel drawn to fresh starts and new possibilities. We reflect on where we’ve been and begin thinking about where we want to go next. And almost inevitably, we start setting goals or New Year’s resolutions.

But before you start mapping out what you want for the year ahead, it’s worth pausing to ask an important question:

Going into the new year, are you holding onto habits that are no longer serving you?

Why New Year’s Resolutions So Often Don’t Stick

Most people have experienced this cycle: motivation is high in January, progress feels promising at first, and then somewhere a few months in…momentum fades. Goals quietly fall by the wayside, leaving frustration and self-criticism in their place.

This isn’t because setting goals is a bad thing. Goals are powerful. The issue is that goals are often set without a realistic plan for how daily behavior needs to change in order to support them.

Part of that realism involves taking an honest look at your habits, especially the ones that directly oppose the goals you’re setting for the new year.

What the Research Tells Us About Habits and Goals

Research in behavioral psychology supports what many of us experience firsthand. In their paper A New Look at Habits and the Habit–Goal Interface, psychologists Wendy Wood and David Neal explain that goals alone have limited ability to break existing habits.

They found that when goals are in conflict with habits, change typically only happens when:

• The cues that trigger habits are altered, and/or
• People exert significant effortful self-control to inhibit old habits while actively implementing new, goal-consistent behaviors (Wood & Neal; Neal & Wood).

In other words, simply wanting change isn’t enough. If the same routines, environments, and triggers remain in place, old habits tend to win…no matter how meaningful the goal.

This is why relying solely on motivation or willpower can feel exhausting and discouraging.

Habits Are the Foundation Beneath Your Goals

Habits shape how we spend our time, respond to stress, manage our energy, and make decisions, often without conscious awareness. When those habits remain unchanged, they quietly undermine even the best intentions.

For example:

• If your goal is to reduce stress, but your habit is overcommitting or ignoring boundaries, stress will continue to build.
• If your goal is financial stability, but your habit is avoiding finances or emotional spending, progress will feel slow or impossible.
• If your goal is better well-being, but your habit is neglecting rest or self-care, burnout is likely to follow.

Trying to build new goals on top of old, misaligned habits is like trying to move forward with the parking brake on.

Breaking Bad Habits Creates Space for Sustainable Change

Before setting goals for the new year, it’s helpful to identify which habits are no longer aligned with the life you want to create. This isn’t about self-judgment or perfection…it’s about awareness.

Ask yourself:

• Which habits am I holding onto out of routine or comfort?
• Which habits drain my energy instead of supporting it?
• Which habits actively work against my goals?

Breaking, or even loosening, these habits creates space for new behaviors to take root. When you change the cues, the environment, or the daily routines that support old habits, change becomes far more sustainable.

A Different Way to Approach the New Year

Instead of jumping straight into resolutions, consider this approach:

1. Identify one habit that no longer serves you.
   Start small. Change doesn’t have to be dramatic to be effective.
2. Notice what triggers it.
   Stress, fatigue, emotional discomfort, or lack of boundaries often play a role.
3. Replace rather than remove.
   Habits are easier to change when you substitute them with something supportive.
4. Set goals that align with your new foundation.
   When habits support your goals, progress feels more natural and less forced.

True change isn’t about becoming someone entirely new overnight. It’s about letting go of what no longer fits and intentionally choosing habits that support who you’re becoming.

As you move into the new year, consider focusing less on lofty resolutions and more on the habits that shape your everyday life. When those shift, your goals stop feeling like pressure and start feeling possible.

If you’d like support identifying habits that may be holding you back and creating realistic, lasting change, coaching can help you build a foundation that truly supports your goals for the year ahead.

When the Holidays Don’t Feel So Merry

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

The holidays are here once again…twinkling lights, festive music, decorated storefronts, and endless reminders that this is “the most wonderful time of the year.” And yet, maybe you’re struggling to feel even a flicker of that holiday spirit.

Does that sound familiar?

If it does, take a deep breath. Let your shoulders drop. You are not broken, and you are not alone.

The Hidden Side of the Holiday Season

For many, the holidays spark joy, gratitude, and a sense of connection. But for others, they bring something entirely different…sadness, resentment, heaviness, or even dread. These feelings often go unspoken because society expects us to smile, celebrate, and sparkle our way through the season.

Retail ads paint a very specific picture:
A big, happy family gathered around an overflowing table…
A Christmas tree surrounded by beautifully wrapped gifts…
A calendar packed with cheerful gatherings and joyful reunions…

And when our own reality doesn’t look like that, we can start to question ourselves.
Why can’t I feel happy like everyone else?
What’s wrong with me?

But here’s the truth: plenty of people don’t experience the holidays this way, whether they say it out loud or not.

Not everyone has a supportive family.
Not everyone has a partner.
Not everyone has the energy or finances for holiday festivities.
Not everyone feels joy this time of year.

And that’s not only OK, it’s human.

When the Holidays Stir Up Grief

For some, the holiday season magnifies loss…loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of health, loss of stability, or the end of a relationship or marriage. And grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It doesn’t politely wait until January to be felt.

Since losing my mother in January 2009, the season has held a bittersweet weight for me. There have been so many milestones in my life that I walked through without her, moments when I wanted her wisdom, her steady voice, or simply her presence.

Then in 2019, after 32 years of marriage, I went through a divorce. That first Thanksgiving and Christmas on my own were some of the most challenging days I’ve ever faced. The silence was louder. The empty space at the table was more noticeable. The traditions suddenly felt foreign, like they no longer belonged to me.

If you’ve felt that kind of heaviness, you know it’s not something you just “shake off.”

Giving Yourself Permission to Be Human

Over the years, I’ve learned several important lessons about navigating the holidays while grieving, healing, or simply not feeling your best. These are lessons I want to share with you because they may help lighten your load.

It’s OK to Feel Sad, Angry, Lonely, or Anything Else You Feel

Emotions are not wrong. They are not failures. They are not signs that you’re “not trying hard enough.”

They are signals letting you know what needs attention, compassion, or care.

But while it’s OK to feel whatever comes up, isolating yourself isn’t the answer.
Isolation doesn’t heal, it amplifies.
Isolation grows the loneliness and the anger until it becomes difficult to pull yourself out.

Being alone to recharge is healthy, isolating to avoid your feelings is not.

Let People In, Even When It Feels Hard

Reaching out to someone and saying, “I could really use your company,” can feel vulnerable. But vulnerability is a bridge, not a burden.

Letting someone know you need them strengthens relationships. It deepens bonds in ways that surface-level holiday small talk never could. And you might be surprised at how many people around you are relieved that someone finally said out loud what they have been feeling, too.

Know Your Limits, and Honor Them

There is no “right way” to get through the holidays.

Some days you may feel like attending a gathering or sharing a meal. Other days, you may crave stillness and solitude. It’s important to listen to yourself and trust the signals your body and spirit are giving you.

During my own healing, I found comfort in simple rituals:
Long, lavender-infused Epsom salt baths.
Journaling my thoughts, my grief, and my gratitude.
Choosing smaller, quieter moments over big, overwhelming events.

It’s not selfish to protect your energy. It’s necessary.

Sometimes You Need More Support…And That’s a Strength, Not a Weakness

There’s a cultural myth that we’re supposed to figure everything out on our own. But healing, true healing, often requires more than sheer willpower.

When I went through my divorce, my friends and family supported me, but it became clear that I needed something deeper. I needed professional support. I often say that my therapist saved my life and my life coach gave me purpose, but the truth is: I did the work. They simply provided the space, tools, and guidance I needed.

Seeking help is one of the bravest decisions you can make.
It says, “I deserve to feel whole again.”

You Deserve a Holiday Season That Honors Where You Are

This year, I invite you to rewrite what the holidays mean for you. They don’t have to look like a commercial. They don’t have to look like anyone else’s version of “merry.” They don’t even have to look like what they used to be.

Your holiday season can be:

• Quiet
• Simple
• Peaceful
• Reflective
• Healing
• Or filled with connection…on your terms

Whatever you choose, let it be yours.

A Final Reminder

If the holidays feel hard for you this year, please remember:

You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are not behind.
You are human.

And you are allowed to feel exactly how you feel.

If you’re looking for guidance, companion support, or someone to help you navigate this season with more grounding and less overwhelm, I’m here. Helping women rediscover their strength, compassion, and purpose, especially during life’s most challenging seasons, is the heart of my work.

You don’t have to walk through this alone.
You deserve support. You deserve healing. And you deserve peace…especially now.

My Gift To You: Holiday Coping Strategies Worksheet

The attached worksheet provides you with some activities to support your healing and growth this holiday season. If you would like further support through coaching, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

To open and/or download the Holiday Coping Worksheet Click here: Holiday Coping Worksheet

 

 

Finding Clarity Through Organization

My family knows me as the “organizational guru.” I have a knack for taking chaos and turning it into something more manageable. If you walk into my kitchen, you’ll even find my junk drawer has a sense of order to it. Some might call that OCD, but for me…it’s sanity.

For me, organization isn’t about perfection; it’s about peace. It’s the quiet satisfaction of knowing where things are, of walking into a room and feeling calm instead of distracted. It’s about creating a space that supports me, not one that constantly demands my attention.

When my surroundings are in disarray, I can feel it internally. My thoughts get scattered, my focus fades, and even small tasks start to feel overwhelming. But when I take the time to organize…to put things in their place, clear off a counter, or file away loose papers, it’s like flipping a mental switch. My mind becomes lighter. My thinking becomes sharper. And suddenly, what felt chaotic starts to make sense again.

The Connection Between Outer Order and Inner Clarity

It’s easy to dismiss organization as a simple habit, but it’s actually deeply connected to our emotional and mental wellbeing. When we declutter our physical spaces, we also declutter our thoughts. We reduce the number of decisions our brains have to make and create a sense of control in an unpredictable world.

Research even supports this…studies have shown that clutter increases stress and reduces productivity. When our environment is messy, our brains perceive it as unfinished business, which drains our energy. In contrast, a well-organized space promotes focus, calm, and creativity.

Think about it…when your desk is piled high, your mind mirrors that clutter. But when you take a few minutes to bring order to your environment, your brain follows suit. You begin to see things more clearly – not just physically, but emotionally and mentally, too.

Small Steps to Big Change

You don’t have to overhaul your entire life to experience the benefits of organization. Start small.
Pick one drawer. One closet. One area of your workspace. As you sort and simplify, you’ll start to feel a subtle shift inside you.

Ask yourself:

• What am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
• What do I really need in this space, and in my life?
• What can I release to make room for something better?

Organization is not just about boxes, bins, and color-coded files. It’s about making intentional choices. It’s a process of aligning your environment with your values, so that everything around you supports the life you want to live.

Creating Space for What Matters Most

In providing organization to my physical world…my home, my office, my car, I’m really giving myself permission to breathe. I’m creating a clean mind-space for new ideas, goals, and growth.

When we make room in our surroundings, we make room for clarity. And clarity brings confidence…the kind that helps you take the next step, make the next decision, and move forward with purpose.

So the next time you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, don’t underestimate the power of a little order. Straighten a shelf, clear a counter, or organize that junk drawer. You might be surprised how much lighter you feel – and how much more clearly you can see the path ahead.

Because sometimes, finding clarity in life starts with simply putting things in their place.

Here’s a small challenge for you this week:

Set a timer for 10 minutes and choose one small area to organize…a drawer, a corner of your desk, or even your email inbox.

As you clear the space, notice how your energy shifts. Ask yourself what you feel lighter about, or what new idea comes to mind once the clutter is gone.

✨ Clarity doesn’t always come from thinking harder – sometimes, it comes from clearing space to think at all.

 

Cleaning Out My Closet …A Metaphor For Life

When was the last time you cleaned out your closet?

This morning, I found myself standing in mine, staring at clothes I hadn’t touched in years. As I sorted through the hangers, a series of questions ran through my head:

• When did I last wear this? (If it’s been over a year, chances are I won’t wear it again.)
• Does it even fit me anymore?
• Does it suit my lifestyle now? (Notice I didn’t say “fashion trends” – I’m talking about how I actually live my life today.)
• Do I feel good when I wear it?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my closet wasn’t just about clothes. It was about life.

I have a tendency to hold onto things beyond their lifespan. That favorite pair of jeans with holes in all the wrong places. A skirt that’s two sizes too small, waiting for “someday.” Outfits that once worked, but don’t really reflect who I am anymore.

And it got me thinking…isn’t life the same way? Don’t we sometimes hold onto relationships, jobs, or habits that no longer fit, hoping they’ll magically start working again?

So, I started applying my closet-cleaning questions to three areas of life: relationships/friendships, work/career, and finances.

Relationships and Friendships

Think about the people in your life. Ask yourself:

• When did I last spend meaningful time with this person?
• Does this relationship fit into my life right now?
• Do we share common values or have things in common anymore?
• How do I feel when I’m with this person? Energized? Drained? Supported? Diminished?

Relationships evolve just as we do. People grow, change, move in different directions. Sometimes, what once fit perfectly no longer does.

If the last time I spent time with someone was over a year ago, I need to ask myself why. Is it just life circumstances, or have we both moved on? If the connection is being maintained only out of habit, guilt, or loyalty, that’s like keeping a pair of jeans that I’ll never wear again…they just take up space.

And if being around someone leaves me exhausted or questioning my worth, then maybe I’m forcing myself into something that doesn’t fit anymore. Like that skirt two sizes too small, a relationship that no longer fits isn’t comfortable, and it can even cause harm if I try to make it work.

Letting go doesn’t mean those relationships never mattered. It just means they no longer belong in my current “closet.”

Work and Career

The same questions apply to our work and careers:

• When did I last feel useful and fulfilled?
• Is there room for me to grow here?
• Do I still share the same values as my organization or profession?
• Does my work energize me or deplete me?

Just like clothes, careers can “wear out” or stop fitting. Maybe a job was perfect five years ago, but today it no longer aligns with who I am. Maybe it once allowed me to grow, but now I feel stuck. Maybe I’ve changed my priorities, my values, my vision for life…and the work hasn’t changed with me.

Staying in a role that doesn’t fit can feel safe, but over time it can become stifling. That old blazer may have looked sharp once, but if it no longer suits my life today, keeping it just adds clutter.

Sometimes, we need to clear space in our careers to make room for new opportunities –  opportunities that allow us to stretch, grow, and step fully into who we are becoming.

Finances

Here’s another area where the closet metaphor rings true: finances.

• When did I last review my spending and savings habits?
• Do my financial choices fit the lifestyle I want to live now – not the one I had years ago?
• Am I holding onto outdated habits out of fear, guilt, or comfort?

Just as I hold onto clothes “just in case,” sometimes I hold onto financial habits or decisions that no longer make sense. Maybe I keep subscriptions I don’t use. Maybe I hold back from investing in things that would bring joy, because I’m stuck in an old mindset of scarcity. Or maybe I’m overspending in areas that don’t actually align with my current values.

Cleaning out financial clutter, just like closet clutter, frees up resources. It creates space to invest in what truly matters and helps me feel more grounded and confident in my decisions.

Making Space for What Fits

At the end of my closet-cleaning session, I felt lighter. More spacious. I could actually see what I had, what fit me now, and what made me feel good.

Isn’t that the goal in life, too? To let go of what no longer fits, so we can make space for the people, opportunities, and habits that do?

Cleaning out our “life closet” isn’t about judgment or regret. It’s about making intentional choices for the present and future.

So let me leave you with this:

👉 What in your life closet no longer fits?
👉 And what would it feel like to clear that space and make room for something better?

The Hidden Effects of Divorce

Divorce is more than the end of a marriage. It’s a life-altering shift that can touch every corner of a woman’s life. While friends and family may see it as simply a change in relationship status, the reality runs far deeper, often impacting finances, parenting, identity, and self-confidence.

1. Financial Shifts and Strain

For many women, divorce brings immediate and lasting financial changes. If one partner earned the majority of the household income, separation can mean adjusting to a tighter budget, possibly entering or re-entering the workforce, or taking on additional jobs. Even in cases where assets are split, the cost of legal proceedings, maintaining two households, and managing ongoing expenses can create significant stress. Long-term financial planning often becomes an urgent priority, especially for those nearing retirement or funding a child’s education.

2. Custody and Parenting Adjustments

When children are involved, divorce introduces new routines, co-parenting schedules, and sometimes contentious custody discussions. The emotional toll of not being with children every day can be profound, especially if time is split evenly or if custody arrangements limit access. On top of that, solo parenting days can be exhausting, requiring women to juggle emotional support for their children while managing their own grief and adaptation.

3. Loss of Identity

Marriage often intertwines identities – social circles, extended family relationships, shared traditions, and even personal sense of self. Divorce can unravel these connections, leaving women feeling unmoored. Roles such as “wife” and “partner” may disappear overnight, prompting a deep re-examination of personal identity. This can be a painful but also transformative phase, as many women eventually redefine who they are outside of their marriage.

4. Impact on Self-Confidence

Divorce can shake self-confidence, even in the most resilient individuals. Feelings of rejection, failure, or guilt can linger, amplified by social stigma or unsolicited opinions from others. For some women, it takes time and conscious effort to rebuild self-worth, trust in themselves, and belief in their ability to create a fulfilling life moving forward.

Moving Forward

While divorce is undeniably challenging, it can also be a catalyst for growth. Many women discover inner strengths they didn’t know they had, build new support systems, and learn skills that empower them in fresh ways. The journey isn’t linear, but with time, self-compassion, and support, it’s possible to step into a new chapter with confidence and clarity.

The following checklist gives you some actionable steps you can take in navigating your divorce:

1. Finances

☐ Create a detailed post-divorce budget (include all monthly expenses).
☐ Open bank accounts in your name only.
☐ Review and update beneficiaries on insurance, retirement accounts, and wills.
☐ Meet with a financial advisor to plan for short- and long-term goals.
☐ Build or replenish an emergency fund (aim for 3–6 months of expenses).
☐ Check your credit report and address any errors or joint debt issues.

2. Custody & Parenting

☐ Review and fully understand your custody agreement.
☐ Establish consistent routines for children to create stability.
☐ Keep a shared calendar with your co-parent for school events, sports, and activities.
☐ Create an open communication plan with your children to address feelings.
☐ Have a backup childcare plan for emergencies.
☐ Seek family therapy or counseling if needed.

3. Rebuilding Identity

☐ Make a list of hobbies, interests, and activities you enjoy.
☐ Reconnect with friends or groups that inspire and support you.
☐ Try something new (class, travel, volunteering, or skill-building).
☐ Redesign your home space to reflect your style and preferences.
☐ Journal about what you want this next chapter of life to look like.

4. Boosting Self-Confidence

☐ Identify and challenge negative self-talk with affirmations.
☐ Practice self-care regularly (nutrition, movement, rest, joy).
☐ Set small, achievable goals and celebrate progress.
☐ Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people.
☐ Consider therapy or coaching for confidence-building support.
☐ Keep a “wins journal” to track daily or weekly successes.

Tip: You don’t need to check every box in a week…progress is progress, no matter how small. Pick one or two areas to focus on at a time and revisit the list regularly.