When the Holidays Don’t Feel So Merry
Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
The holidays are here once again…twinkling lights, festive music, decorated storefronts, and endless reminders that this is “the most wonderful time of the year.” And yet, maybe you’re struggling to feel even a flicker of that holiday spirit.
Does that sound familiar?
If it does, take a deep breath. Let your shoulders drop. You are not broken, and you are not alone.
The Hidden Side of the Holiday Season
For many, the holidays spark joy, gratitude, and a sense of connection. But for others, they bring something entirely different…sadness, resentment, heaviness, or even dread. These feelings often go unspoken because society expects us to smile, celebrate, and sparkle our way through the season.
Retail ads paint a very specific picture:
A big, happy family gathered around an overflowing table…
A Christmas tree surrounded by beautifully wrapped gifts…
A calendar packed with cheerful gatherings and joyful reunions…
And when our own reality doesn’t look like that, we can start to question ourselves.
Why can’t I feel happy like everyone else?
What’s wrong with me?
But here’s the truth: plenty of people don’t experience the holidays this way, whether they say it out loud or not.
Not everyone has a supportive family.
Not everyone has a partner.
Not everyone has the energy or finances for holiday festivities.
Not everyone feels joy this time of year.
And that’s not only OK, it’s human.
When the Holidays Stir Up Grief
For some, the holiday season magnifies loss…loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of health, loss of stability, or the end of a relationship or marriage. And grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It doesn’t politely wait until January to be felt.
Since losing my mother in January 2009, the season has held a bittersweet weight for me. There have been so many milestones in my life that I walked through without her, moments when I wanted her wisdom, her steady voice, or simply her presence.
Then in 2019, after 32 years of marriage, I went through a divorce. That first Thanksgiving and Christmas on my own were some of the most challenging days I’ve ever faced. The silence was louder. The empty space at the table was more noticeable. The traditions suddenly felt foreign, like they no longer belonged to me.
If you’ve felt that kind of heaviness, you know it’s not something you just “shake off.”
Giving Yourself Permission to Be Human
Over the years, I’ve learned several important lessons about navigating the holidays while grieving, healing, or simply not feeling your best. These are lessons I want to share with you because they may help lighten your load.
It’s OK to Feel Sad, Angry, Lonely, or Anything Else You Feel
Em
otions are not wrong. They are not failures. They are not signs that you’re “not trying hard enough.”
They are signals letting you know what needs attention, compassion, or care.
But while it’s OK to feel whatever comes up, isolating yourself isn’t the answer.
Isolation doesn’t heal, it amplifies.
Isolation grows the loneliness and the anger until it becomes difficult to pull yourself out.
Being alone to recharge is healthy, isolating to avoid your feelings is not.
Let People In, Even When It Feels Hard
Reaching out to someone and saying, “I could really use your company,” can feel vulnerable. But vulnerability is a bridge, not a burden.
Letting someone know you need them strengthens relationships. It deepens bonds in ways that surface-level holiday small talk never could. And you might be surprised at how many people around you are relieved that someone finally said out loud what they have been feeling, too.
Know Your Limits, and Honor Them
There is no “right way” to get through the holidays.
Some days you may feel like attending a gathering or sharing a meal. Other days, you may crave stillness and solitude. It’s important to listen to yourself and trust the signals your body and spirit are giving you.
During my own healing, I found comfort in simple rituals:
Long, lavender-infused Epsom salt baths.
Journaling my thoughts, my grief, and my gratitude.
Choosing smaller, quieter moments over big, overwhelming events.
It’s not selfish to protect your energy. It’s necessary.
Sometimes You Need More Support…And That’s a Strength, Not a Weakness
There’s a cultural myth that we’re supposed to figure everything out on our own. But healing, true healing, often requires more than sheer willpower.
When I went through my divorce, my friends and family supported me, but it became clear that I needed something deeper. I needed professional support. I often say that my therapist saved my life and my life coach gave me purpose, but the truth is: I did the work. They simply provided the space, tools, and guidance I needed.
Seeking help is one of the bravest decisions you can make.
It says, “I deserve to feel whole again.”
You Deserve a Holiday Season That Honors Where You Are
This year, I invite you to rewrite what the holidays mean for you. They don’t have to look like a commercial. They don’t have to look like anyone else’s version of “merry.” They don’t even have to look like what they used to be.
Your holiday season can be:
- Quiet
- Simple
- Peaceful
- Reflective
- Healing
- Or filled with connection…on your terms
Whatever you choose, let it be yours.
A Final Reminder
If the holidays feel hard for you this year, please remember:
You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are not behind.
You are human.
And you are allowed to feel exactly how you feel.
If you’re looking for guidance, companion support, or someone to help you navigate this season with more grounding and less overwhelm, I’m here. Helping women rediscover their strength, compassion, and purpose, especially during life’s most challenging seasons, is the heart of my work.
You don’t have to walk through this alone.
You deserve support. You deserve healing. And you deserve peace…especially now.
My Gift To You: Holiday Coping Strategies Worksheet
The attached worksheet provides you with some activities to support your healing and growth this holiday season. If you would like further support through coaching, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.
To open and/or download the Holiday Coping Worksheet Click here: Holiday Coping Worksheet
